Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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