I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
