Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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