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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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