piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
