The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
