awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
