This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
