Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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