got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm like, not good at living.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
