I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
