I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
