like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
