You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
