just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
