Can Purell be used as lube?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
