We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
