Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
