At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
