He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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