I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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