i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
