apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
