Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
