Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
