i need an iv and a liver transplant
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
