i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
