And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
