I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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