Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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