Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
