why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
