Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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