his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
