so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
