whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
