Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
