I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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