If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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