U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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