ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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