it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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