He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
