apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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