she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
