Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
