So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
