I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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