Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
