have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
