She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
