I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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