plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Never joke about your clitoris.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
