That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
