It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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